Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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