Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
And then he peed in my hair
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