On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
