he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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