I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
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We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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