Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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