Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Randomize
