i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
