Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
