I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
