Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
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I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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