Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize