These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
