Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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