She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
