I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
