Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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