Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
