I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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