sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
