I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
