lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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