I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize