Don't you send me to vm
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
