Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
