is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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