it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
