Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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