I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
