Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Say something about gay babies.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
