there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
