i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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