What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
