I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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