I feel like I'm in dance class right now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!