I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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