Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.

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  (770): she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front. http://tfl.nu/f1w0
  Replies (38) Good night (631) Bad night (1685)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.

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  (985): any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window. http://tfl.nu/e2g8
  Replies (14) Good night (4121) Bad night (711)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?

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  (250): is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste? http://tfl.nu/l5cc
  Replies (35) Good night (5018) Bad night (2251)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips

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  (920): I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips http://tfl.nu/g3ng
  Replies (6) Good night (3039) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.

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  (262): we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat. http://tfl.nu/5cls
  Replies (5) Good night (5560) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone

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  (216): he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone http://tfl.nu/anp6
  Replies (5) Good night (4168) Bad night (1138)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.

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  (613): New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would. http://tfl.nu/oc0p
  Replies (3) Good night (1819) Bad night (698)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.

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  (513): I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago. http://tfl.nu/r6f0
  Replies (7) Good night (2267) Bad night (671)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.

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  (407): Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless. http://tfl.nu/zvko
  Replies (5) Good night (1499) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.

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  (208): You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch. http://tfl.nu/o56t
  Replies (1) Good night (1274) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"

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  (870): when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned" http://tfl.nu/0h81
  Replies (5) Good night (1239) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.

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  (920): I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months. http://tfl.nu/4vnx
  Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (517)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.

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  (763): I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down. http://tfl.nu/nif2
  Replies (8) Good night (563) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'd cum for enchiladas.

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  (850): I'd cum for enchiladas. http://tfl.nu/lnb5
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime

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  (+61): We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime http://tfl.nu/tsil
  Replies (1) Good night (487) Bad night (371)

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