i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
