I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
