If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
