maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
