normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
