I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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