We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
