so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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