1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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