Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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