Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.

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(410): View more from Maryland

we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.

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(917): View more from New York City

But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.

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(707): View more from California

Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.

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(719): View more from Colorado

OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil

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