I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ugly people sure do ruin things
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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