We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
