Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
