Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
