I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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