careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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