She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
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You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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