and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
