You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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