every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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