I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
