i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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