Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
