At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
