it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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