"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
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He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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