well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..