WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
